took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
