I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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