I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize