you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
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No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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