It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
