if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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