I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
