i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
