at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
