theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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