she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just found puke in my bra..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
