Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
