also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
