I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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