I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
