I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
and she was petting her beer can
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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