hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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