Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
