Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
