Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
