Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
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We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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