i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
