The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
