So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish you could order shots online.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
