Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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