i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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