she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
