I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
