Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
