I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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