Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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