We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
