Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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