and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
