there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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