It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
