i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
