she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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