i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
