I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
