i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
