you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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