Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
