good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
