Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
