oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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