It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
