Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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