If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
