my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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