i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
