I am midnight drunk by noon
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
