apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
