***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
