I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
