I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
