I just cut my nipple shaving
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
