On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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