Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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