Your tits are I can't wait for
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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