you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize