He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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