Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
