you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Who died my cat blue again?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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