I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i out mim tonsoeep
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
