there's paper in my vomit.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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