I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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