A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
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