question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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