the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
