Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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