I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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