can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
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I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.