I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.