My first STD was from a foam party
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
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you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
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the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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