god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize